It’s tough getting older…

May 30, 2009

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 Seems like nothing is black and white anymore
Shades of grey and I feel a weight over my shoulder
It’s tough getting older
I always thought that I knew where I’d want to go
Now I’m here and I find that I’m still getting colder
It’s kinda tough getting older- Colbie Caillat

I am being really cheesy/not for real in quoting those lyrics.  It is just a strange season of life and sometimes bad lyrics speak my feelings (so I guess that means I am lame at the moment).  I was just checking up on Holmes, as I usually do, and found this picture.  Many things about this picture are strange- 1. Gray has on a bow tie (Holmes-ish of him). 2. The Geeks (Gray and Caleb plus Georgia) are done with elementary school. 3. I wasn’t there for their graduation. 4. I was just at Holmes, Kendall, and Paul Michael’s high school graduation.  I literally grew up with the Persons and Peelers and its surreal to see them get older.

Today has been one of those days when I reminisce way too much.  I had coffee today with a friend that went to ECS until 8th grade.  She was part of the “posse” so we spent every school day together and then of course Friday nights until her dad got moved to Dallas.  It was really great hanging out with Kaitlin (Kaitlin Allen… confusing right?) today and we talked about so many memories from our younger years.  I am so grateful for our time and ECS and I’m so glad my brothers are getting to experience it.  I just forget how old they are and it is really hard for me to not be there for monumental times in their lives.  I have been so torn the past couple years because I know I need to move on and continue my life, but at the same time its tempting to run back to Memphis.  Most days I know I want to end up in Nashville, but when I talk to Gray it makes me want to be back.  Almost all of my friends with younger siblings struggle with this and I know its  a good struggle.  

The other time when these lyrics were so much my heart was the first time I was going to college.  I remember leaving my house crying like I never have before.  I was driving alone to Jackson to see Kimberlee, then my parents were meeting me and going the rest of the way together.  I’m pretty sure I cried the whole way to Union.  I kept pressing repeat on the song until I couldn’t handle it anymore.  

The thing that comforts me is that I know I am in the Lord’s will.  Being at Western has been the best thing for me.  The very first time I was on campus, I could feel the Lord calling me to that place.  He has revealed so much about Himself to me in my short time there.  I already feel that way about Dallas.  The whole application/interview process was so beautifully orchestrated by God.  I know that He is sovereign over my life and all the places I will ever tread.  I have full confidence that He will take me exactly where I need to be.  Until then me and the bros will just have to use or cellular devices as much as possible.   Love you brothers.



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4 Responses to “It’s tough getting older…”

  1. Jen said

    Charly,
    I know EXACTLY how you feel! Don’t think a day goes by that I don’t miss not just the fam, but all that I missed out on too. I remember vividly saying goodbye @ the airport to my sweet baby niece, just months old when I flew out to CA for my senior year of collage back in 1989. HEARTBREAKING!!!As hard as some days are I truly have no regrets. I have followed God (and my husband) all over the country and it’s been a thrill. I love you!

  2. Amy said

    Wow. I never thought I’d see the “posse” being referenced again! Good times. I liked this post alot because it’s honest. I love that about what you write! Miss you much.

  3. Grandy said

    Char, I love reading your blog, I see a whole side of you that I don’t usually see. Your trusting in the Lord to lead you through life is so wonderful. I love learning from you. I am a very proud grandmother. Love you lots, Grandy

  4. Rachel said

    Charball,

    I can’t count the number of times I have felt exactly the same way. Sorry to say, it doesn’t get much better. Before long you’ll be reminicsing about your college days, and then the days when you weren’t married, and then the time before you had kids. And I’m sure any 90-year-old will tell you that it goes on and on. The WONDERFUL thing to remember is that when you’re walking with the Lord, you are always walking into “good times.” There may be hills and valleys, but it’s His continued presence that makes every day something to be cherished. I love you and miss you and thank the Lord for you often!

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